Monday night, I had the opportunity to go to a conference at a local church given by the Maxwells. About a year ago a friend of mine gave me the book Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit written by Teri Maxwell who is a homeschooling mother of 8 children. I read it a couple of times because, though it is a rather small book, there was just so much in it that I could apply to my life to help not just in homeschooling but in motherhood in general. She struggled with anger and depression for a long time and the book told how she overcame them and gave tips about how we can be proactive in our lives to prevent anger inducing situations and and how we can dispel our anger and respond in a more meek and quiet way. This book was probably the final deciding factor in our decision to go ahead and homeschool. While I have not conquered my anger, I am learning to gain control over it because of this book and with God's help.
Having been so positively influenced by this book I thought the conference would be just as beneficial. It certainly did give me much to think on and discuss with Luke. The most 'enlightening' part was their talk on keeping your child's heart. The principle is one that I certainly aspire to in raising my children: I want a close relationship with my children. One in which they are open with me about their lives, they like me and respect me and what I have to say about their lives and how I want them to live, and they hold the same values as I do and, above all, share my love for God and have a relationship with Him. But I hope and pray that I can do that while at the same time allowing them to become their own person and have their own experiences and their own very personal relationship with God. The Maxwell's techniques seem to me to me a bit extreme: not allowing friendships outside the familyor participation in youth groups or sports teams and taking them with you wherever you may go even into adult hood when they are ready to marry the one person God has ready for them (which opens up a whole other can or worms). I think that I may get the book in which they go into more detail about this so that Luke and I can look at the principles behind their techniques and determine how we might accomplish the same ideals while maintaining some freedom for the kids. Of course, not sheltering your kids as much as the Maxwells suggest does mean you are risking 'losing' their hearts but I'm thinking that maybe that risk is a necessary one.
9 comments:
Jak,
I have been curious about this same concept, as I recently discovered something similar - in the social sciences there have been studies done that say that our children's hearts and lives and decisions are shaped more by their relationships outside of their immediate family. I am not saying that I am the cat's meow, but I know what is out there, and it doesn't look pretty. We should talk about this.
I agree, it is a bit extreme to keep your kids sheltered away from anyone outside your family. In fact, to me it seems downright nonsensical. Perhaps you should focus on instilling faith based values and morals in your children, and then trust God and pray (so important!) that they will make good decisions when they are confronted with situations in the world that oppose what they know is true. I know you're doing both of these things already, which is a huge part of why your children are going to be prepared for the world.
Jesus commanded us to go into the world and be a blessing, and that's pretty hard to do from home. God uses all of us, including your children, to bring others into relationship with Him. Yes, he'll use people in the outside world to shape the lives of your children as well. Some of my most influential moments in my Christian walk came through times I spent with my youth group, or with other Christians in settings outside my home. I had opportunities to learn from other Christians, and I had opportunities to introduce others to God. If your children are sheltered from non-Christians their whole lives, how will they be able to share God's love effectively as adults in a secular society? Hopefully we all know from experience that you almost always have to have some understanding of where non-Christians are coming from to find an open path into their heads and their hearts to effectively communicate with them about God. You'd be lost when speaking to them if you didn't know a little about the hopelessness of living in the world without God, right? The bottom line is that we are called to go into the world and introduce other people to Christ. Your kids need to be ready to do that, and one of your most important jobs as a loving, Christian mother is to arm them with the proper tools to do it, which includes letting them experience some of the world outside your control. :)
Btw, my previous rant does not apply to your homeschooling. I think it's cool that you chose to do that, and I'm impressed by your dedication to giving your kids a good education. I just wanted to remind us all that we are told to go into the world, not hide from it because it's scary. :)
in sort of a defense of the maxwells: they do go out and witness they just do it as a family. they made the connection b/t a shepherd leading the flock. the shepherd does not leave the sheep penned up but instead goes out with them into the fields--protecting them from the wolves and whatnot while they go about the business of living.
Ok - here's a quote from the Maxwell's website that you might pause to think about:
"We are so blessed to have enjoyed our children, to have strong relationships with them now, and to see them serving Jesus Christ. At the same time our hearts have broken as we have watched families lose their children to the world. Even if those children begin to walk in obedience, they will carry the scars of their own and their parents’ failures."
Why is it that they believe that children who have made mistakes and parents who have made mistakes but who are now being obedient are walking around with "scars"? They seem to miss the concept of forgiveness here. In God's eyes, everyone who believes that Christ is their Lord and Savior, and who have asked for forgiveness for their sins is new and clean because His Son died for us. Why do they see their friends as "scarred"? I sort of feel sorry for them and their family because (based on only this quote, and having never heard or met them or read their books) they seem to struggle with that concept. What are they going to think of their own child or sibling or of themselves when one of them inevitably messes up?
It all just seems a bit odd to me. But then again, I was blessed with a mother who raised me to know what was right and what was wrong, who let me make my own mistakes and learn from them, didn't try to protect me from everything evil in the world by preventing all exposure to it (just by moderating my exposure to it), and who trusted me to make the right decisions, and to come to her for help when I needed it. She was my best friend when she died, and she had my heart even without the somewhat extreme methods the Maxwells endorse. I suspect that your mother has yours, as well. Just something else to think about.
It is an interesting topic, and I imagine that as a parent, it's got to be really tough to not try and shelter your babies from everything that could hurt them, or not to accompany them everywhere they go and oversee all their activities and interactions with others. But your mom did it, and you turned out pretty well, right? She's got to be so proud of the mother you are to Lily and Noah. :)
There's a really sweet song out now by Plumb about being a mother, btw. I think it's called "In My Arms" or something like that.
I think two things are obviously true:
1. as parents we do need to shelter our children from the world
2. christians are called to be different from non-christians, even to the point of being "peculiar" (ie weird)
However, the problem arises trying to decide just how to apply those truths to our lives. In other words, just how sheltering should we be? Maybe christians should all live in communes and go out from them into the world. Could the chuch be the light and salt of the earth by withdrawing and being completely separate? Many christians with very good testimonies have belived just those types of things. Many have also said, "No way!"
I don't think that way, but I'm smart enough to know that I may be dead wrong. (Disclaimer for Patrick: it hasn't happened yet but it is theoretically possible.)
The only other thing I would like to say is that there is a often a difference between how you train up your child and the way you expect your grown children to live. Put another way: Sheltering is the method, not the goal. The goal is raising your children up to be like Christ.
So, it's not fair to say that people who shelter their children can't prepare them for real life as christians, especially if you disagree about what it looks like to be a christian.
Just think how wonderful it would be if all of us Christians could just agree on what exactly it means to be a Christian! We could be so much more effective in getting the message across. It's something that I think we should all hope and pray for. We had a great sermon several months ago about how the only thing that really matters is that you believe that Christ is your Lord and Savior, and is the one and only way for you to have salvation. Everything else we argue about - the distinctions between the way each denomination or individual interprets some part of the Bible (how and when we baptise, how we interpret the creation story, how we raise our children, etc.) mean nothing when it comes to our salvation. It was a pretty eye opening sermon. I mean, it's something we all know in our hearts, but it's so easy to get caught up in the rest, the human life part of it all.
I'll let you reply to some other topic on my blog pretty soon when I start reading a rather controversial book myself. We are studying the three Abrahamic faiths in our Wednesday night classes at church right now. We breezed by Judaism, as we're all quite familiar with the Torah, and we just started a study of Islam and the Qu'ran, which will last for a few weeks. In November, Brigitte Gabriel, author of "Because They Hate: A Survivor of Islamic Terror Warns America," is supposed to come and speak at our church. It should make for an interesting semester.
How great that you got to attend this conference! I have admired much of what the Maxwells have written over the years, though yes, I do find some of their practices a bit strict and maybe unnecessary? However, I did read a book this summer that is still causing me to pause & think about a particular quote: "The acid test determining whether a child is ready to be subjected to an environment hostile to his own worldview and faith is found here--the child must be prepared to wrestle with principalities and powers, to cast down imaginations that oppose the knowledge of God, and to bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ." (based off of 2 Cor. 10:4-6).
Very interesting.
Another quote: "Any parent who denies the young child access to certain entertainment or associations should provide something else in its place."
From the little that I know of the Maxwells, it seems like they apply this last quote into their lives.
You are risking losing my heart by not posting pictures and cute stuff about Lily and Noah!!!! ;-)
Post a Comment